Death and travel
A strange subject for a blog post and one that I have struggled starting since the idea's conception. As a travel agent, I have talked to many people about their travel plans and desires. It helps me better plan their trip if I know what they are looking to see and do and to understand the motivation of their journey. Often, I find that people are using travel as a tool to heal from grief. It offers closure for some and allows memories to dance for others and allows them to understand their lost loved one in a way they didn't before they travelled. When I lost my mother several years ago now, my family and I were devastated beyond imagination. It was my first time understanding the physical pain of loss. I was the daughter of single teenage mom who devoted her life to raising me. She spent the last fifteen years of her life living with my new nuclear family helping my husband and I raise our daughters. To explain to anyone the depths of our loss was impossible. She had been a part of every decision and family moment for the entirety of my children's lives. She was my husband's best friend and Grammy to the girls and all the kids in the neighborhood. Saying good-bye needed to look different for us. We couldn't go through the steps of a funeral as it felt too impersonal. Instead, we planned a trip.
The idea of a trip came about beccause we could not bear the idea of having Christmas as normal. This holiday was and remains to be special to us. A moment in the year where we abided by the traditions we created. Where the girls always spent the night with Grammy (in the basement) so they wouldn't see Santa when he arrived. If we would have tried to carry on as usual, all we would notice would be what was missing instead of being grateful for the opportunity to be together. So we decided to fly to California and to visit Disneyland, the beach, old friends, Universal and places and towns where I had lived with my mother in my younger years. The kids were excited about Christmas and looking forward to that trip and that was the goal but little did we know all the magic that would happen.
We felt her presence at every turn. Riding the carriage down main stream, I looked to the hand-blown glass store where I saw her standing. The memory of her always buying me a piece of blown glass before we left brought tears to my eyes. It continued on like that the entire day. We rode her favorite rides, Pirates and Small World, ate her favorite foods, marveled at the number of people we met who were named, "Alice," and reminded us of mom. We were so in tune with mom that we felt her throughout that day and the entire trip. The next day at breakfast Minnie came up to me and looked at me and I teared and she hugged me and told me it was going to be okay. We went to the beach where we took some of her ashes, met up with the children of her best friends, rode the back lot tour ride and Universal where mom and I saw Lee Majors, 6 Million Dollar Man and where Jaws scared me to death. We visited one of the neighborhoods where I went to school where my girls were afraid to get out of the car. It gave them a true perspective of how far my mother had come in her life. The trip ended with our flight home where I was sitting next to an older-than-me woman who was reading a book and when the flight became a little bumpy reached out and took my hand. We talked about her book, I told her about our trip, she shared her stories and right before we landed I asked her name and you guessed it, it was Alice.
1. Why Travel Can Be a Healing Tool for Grief
- Provides a change of scenery and space for reflection.
- Encourages mindfulness and being present.
- Offers opportunities for solitude or meaningful connections.
- Engages the senses in new, restorative ways.
2. Traveling to Memorialize a Loved OnE
- Creating a personal pilgrimage (e.g., retracing their steps, scattering ashes, holding a small ceremony).
- Leaving a tribute (planting a tree, writing a letter, bringing something symbolic).
- Visiting a destination that was special to the loved one.
3. Solo vs. Group Healing Travel
- Benefits of solo travel: deep reflection, personal journey, setting your own pace.
- Benefits of traveling with loved ones: shared memories, collective healing.
- Retreats and grief-focused travel experiences.
4. Destinations That Foster Healing
- Nature escapes (mountains, oceans, spiritual retreats).
- Cultural and historical destinations (finding perspective in history).
- Quiet and reflective places (monasteries, wellness retreats, national parks).
5. Travel Rituals for Grief
- Journaling or writing letters.
- Taking a symbolic item on the journey.
- Engaging in meaningful cultural or spiritual practices.
- Creating a travel tradition in their honor.
6. Practical Considerations for Grief Travel
- Planning with emotional well-being in mind.
- Managing unexpected emotions while traveling.
- Choosing the right pace and itinerary.
- Seeking support (local guides, therapy-friendly retreats, support groups).
Conclusion
However you decide to use travel as a tool in your grief journey, make it your own unique experience. My husband's mother passed away a few months ago and we are planning on returning to Germany to float down the Rhine on a river cruise. She was from Germany and for many years before her passing talked about the regret she felt about never making that journey. We plan to take it for her and think of her the entire time!
If my own children were to travel as a way to remember me, I wouldn't mind a Disney stop but then I hope they would travel to someplace far and exciting, someplace that had animals as animals always bring me joy. I would want them to remember the happiness I felt at finding and experiencing the unknown and unexpected. I would want them to remember how much I loved being their mom and celebrating life.
